So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
