I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
