I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think my vagina is haunted
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
