Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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