Well apparently he's into motor boating.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
