we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
