I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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