It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
