I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
