Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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