I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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