so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
