I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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