operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
false alarm. still invincible.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
