Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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