kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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