You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
