I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
