I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
