They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
