dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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