im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We need to get me chipped asap
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
