Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
