All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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