Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
