She is in my trunk
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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