I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
