Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My dick has a subreddit
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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