why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
