Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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