If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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