hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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