I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
