i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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