She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
