You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
