i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
