I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
