In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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