Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
