I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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