But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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