I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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