Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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