I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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