She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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