I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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