u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
