You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I did not marry a roomba.
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