I heard we made out
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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