turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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