i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
