I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
