Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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