Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
