What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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