please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
