3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
