It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
