OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
