Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
