He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
