a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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