My liver just broke up with me...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
