my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
