Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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