Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
